Thursday, May 7, 2015

Weight Gain Timeline

Current Weight: 330 lbs
Total Loss: 19 lbs
Avg. Loss/Week: 4.75 lbs
- Body Weight %age: 5%

Down three this week, woohoo! To provide some perspective how I got to where I am, I thought I'd provide a recent history of my weight gain. I've always been overweight but the last few years led to some big changes.

In 2006, I was the happiest I've been in my adult life (prior to meeting Jordan). I was living abroad and lighter by 25 lbs from eating the freshest foods from Mexico, Argentina, and Spain; dancing several nights a week; and walking flippin' everywhere (where was my FitBit then??). Back in the states in 2007, I felt pretty good about my weight. I brought confidence home from my tri-country tour and moved to San Diego in 2008. I remember finding clothes pretty easily in Nebraska before I moved but being in San Diego brought both 1) a broader range of plus-size clothes selections and 2) contrarily, a lot of body consciousness. Being a beach city, everyone cared about and spent a lot of time, money, and effort on how they looked in their swimwear. I just did my best to enjoy the ocean and pretend I was someone else when I walked those torturous yards between the spot where I had to leave my towel in the sand to the moment I could hide my body in the waves.

I moved back to Nebraska in February 2010 mostly because of my mother's health. I lived in my parent's basement for economical reasons but primarily to maximize time with Mom and help with the caregiving. I kept the pounds off okay in 2011 by moonlighting as a tanguera (tango dancer) but when my singlehood or Mom's condition loomed large, food was there for me. Rewarding me after a long day, curing boredom, instantly gratifying with no time or effort beyond lifting fork to mouth.

(It's not your imagination, the frames are getting wider.)

By 2012, Mom started to get worse and the sicker Mom got the later my evenings went; I would look forward to that a bar (or three) of chocolate or stash of snacks waiting for me almost obsessively. I remember thinking to myself "read her one more chapter then you can go downstairs and watch Netflix and crack open those Oreos." Food blew up my pleasure centers then left behind the shrapnel of shame and guilt. Also, for whatever reason, packing lunches for work was out of the question when tempting bagels and Thai existed in the same building and my favorite coffee house was across the street. I always had a choice but it didn't always feel like it. I married the most perfect man in the world in 2012 gaining about 15 lbs of "happy weight" but despite the happiest of marriages it was countered by the loss of Mom in 2013. Food continued to be my favorite coping mechanism as it always had been, and I just got bigger and bigger until this April when Jordan and I agreed enough was enough. As with any story there's more to it but for now, here's hoping the history stays in the past and more photos of a healthier me are to come!

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